Cheeky Quotes

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Fantasies

We all have our fantasies some of them fade off with the age, some of them come back to you at certain interval of your life , some of them remain with you forever . I am gonna share some of mine with you all 

1. Saving school from terror attack :- Dreamed about it a lot where I fight like chuck norris and knock-out at least two or three of them . Then die like a martyr followed by my awesome funeral . My family would  receive some posthumous medal for me and my school might start a football league in my honour .

2. Being an hacker/awesome computer guy :- Had it a few times when I was reading about Assange, Sean parker and Anonymous. This fantasy usually goes this way I trace terrorists, fight for freedom of speech with Anonymous or start a site like facebook.

3. Being the dictator head of my country :- It involves me being the powerful head of my country taking all the tough decisions. Stop illegal construction , mining , taking initiative for clean water and future planning etc etc. As much as I wish for this watching an episode of family guy (It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One) made me realise that even if I become some politician , I would be no better than  any other of them.

4. Being invisible:- I guess this is more of a guy fantasy because first thing I would do is see girls naked and then steal away whatever I want . In correlation to it I can manage with the power of night crawler to teleport wherever I want . I don't know what a girl would do after she gets invisible .

5. Going back in time/stopping the time :- This one is sad because I want to undo my mistakes but mostly my family's series of stupid decisions . Although this limits to my eight grade before that there wasn't any significant mistakes in my life. Stopping the time comes to me before a difficult exam or a approaching deadline and sometimes in a boring a lecture with lots of hot girls .

6. Surviving Zombie apocalypse :- I have always been a fan of zombie genre movie and would love to see it happen but with so many movies on this subject I guess even of it happens it wouldn't last long.

7. Having the perfect love story :-  I don't dream of it everyday but it comes to sometimes. Its difficult to happen as I am big introvert when it comes to expressing emotions and I don't like to spend my money on others (seriously if stereotypes are true I am worse then jews) . Also right now I don't even have a crush on anybody which is a bit liberating. I don't know what exactly love is but as far as I have figured is that moment when you are to differentiate it from your lust.

8. Being rich 

Apart from that I always wanted to be a rapper though I don't have much skills in that area I just want the respect after winning a rap battle . I guess same goes with being a hacker and good at gaming. Anyway I can still save my university from terrorist attack jk, I might run away and give interviews to reporters outside. There are many more of them but these are the most prominent ones.

Monday, 24 September 2012

Thing that you don't want to hear from your pilot

1. Allahu Akbar.
2.Hey (name of co-pilot), stop that! It’s ticklish! Heehee..not there, no! Stop that..haha.. Stop playing around! Oh shoo! The PA system is on! 
3. To the co-pilot in mid air - you checked the fuel indicators right ?
4. I should quit drugs man, i feel like i am flying.
5. Ok folks how many of you wants to see the empire state building.
6. Thank god I always carry my lucky parachute
7. We have lost one of our engine remain calm .
8. But google earth is indicating to turn right .
9.  Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be on the ground in approximately 10 minutes. One way or the other.
10.This is your captain speaking.. We are going to play a little geography game. Be the first 3 persons to recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and win a tasty pack of roasted peanuts 

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Wanna get fired ? here are some things that would get you there

1. Learn to say these words "Thats not a part of my job description".
2. Point out to boss's family photos , if the kid is ugly remark "thats some monkey you got there " and if the daughter is hot "Holy shit! is that your daughter " then take a look at him and say "must be your wife's genes"
3. Try to show off your magic skills in staff meetings.
4. Bring gifts for boss's wife and tell him that she loves that colour.
5. Watch porn in the office 
6. Show up at your boss's house late at night and tell him that you are crashing there for the night .
7. Take up your boss's parking space.
8. Sip coffee or water off his table.
9. Demand him to come to your cubicle if he wants to talk.
10. Make memes of him and mail it to him.

Friday, 21 September 2012

Thing a doctor shouldn't say in his career

1. After circumcision operation :- Congratulations you have now been castrated ,oh wait shit!.
2. During operation to nurse :- Nurse its your birthday today so you will cut the patient 
3. Sir we have to open you again my Rolex is in you.
4. Before operation to patient :- I don't think I can do this man!Its too much pressure.
5. I did change the syringe right ? right ???
6. Your blood test show that you have cancer. Oh no wait that was someone else report , you have Aids .
7.Roses are red, Violets are blue, the hooker you just fucked gave you gonorrhoea too .
                                       
                                    
Pic related , this is the x-ray of a woman in Sydney  named Pat Skinner who after 18 months of the operation found out that the doctor had left a pair of scissor inside her

Things Guy could do after breakup

1. Gaming :D. Time to kick ass in virtual world as your real life isn't going anywhere now .
2. Living on the couch :- Drink , eat and sleep on the couch, get up only to piss and always wear sweatpants 
3. Burn and smash - This includes stuff that she gave you, pictures of her and things you bought for her .
4. Grow a beard.
5. Get home alone and sing as loud as you can / watch chick flicks .
6. Get laid to get over her or the easy way :- watch porn and masturbate.
7. Realise that the only way you would get a girl again is work on your body but don't work on it anyway .
8. Stalk her facebook profile / buy a pet.
9. Realise that what all you could have done rather than being with her / reunite with your single bros.
10 Cry yourself to bed thinking that she was the only girl for you and you will never be loved again .
I have never been through a break up so these are just stereotypes and feedback from friends .

Thursday, 20 September 2012

God

I don't really know whether, I believed in god or not. I remember my brother telling that religion is a constitution that cannot be amended (despite the fact he is deeply religious though in a human way ). Also it is often said that instead of wishing for a bicycle its easier to steal one and ask for forgiveness. People always insists on the fact that god is impartial even though they can't explain the suffering of thousands of innocent people in Somalia and Afghanistan. As of now religion has only placed barriers for people to live together. Even if there is a god I presume he is losing to the devil in a very pathetic way. Racism , Sexual attraction ,laziness and greed have been implanted in our brains and we just live in a denial state. Also , for me I never got any proof of god. A religious book is same for me as a Harry potter book its just that we can see J K Rowling. The concept of heaven always amazed me because despite the fact that no one had ever seen it, people did crazy things to go there (9/11). I believe that providing charities to religious institutions is a waste of money as they act as a middlemen in the process of helping the needy and the poor. I guess the concept of god was developed so that people would be able to live in harmony as the basic teachings of all the religions are same , they all promote non violence , peace and compassion. Its better to live a life as a compassionate human and be a atheist than being a total scumbag yet a believer .
I guess it easier for me not to believe in god because if he/she exists I am sure going to hell. As Lev Yilmaz said If he/she is there , one thing is sure that he would be terribly disappointed in us. Pic related god could be black too

Monday, 17 September 2012

Death

I am 18 and people would say that not a age to think about dying  but as Bob Dylan said "if you are not busy living you're busy dying". So today I am taking this time out to let you know how I want to go away. Normally people want others to come to there funeral to pay last respects and mourn. I don't understand the  mourning  part, to me funeral is the last chance for you to make someone smile. I have always told my brother that my funeral should be the most awesome one ever. Though I am a Hindu I want to be buried like Christian this give me more opportunity to celebrate my death. Here are the few things that I want at my funeral

1. I want "baby got back " and "without me" to be played at my funeral. These songs could make anything and everything funnier. 
2. Perhaps someone could perform a stand up comedy act about death 
3. This might sound childish but I want someone to change my Facebook status to "re spawning in 5 4 3 2 1 "
4. I want my tomb to carry something funny that people remembered me by like " the guy who followed Bro before hoes to death "

I know at later ages perhaps I might want none of it. But I am sure that I do not want anyone to shed tears for me that I can't even see. Also when I go I want it to be as painless as possible , I don't to die in a hospital with my crap being wiped off by a nurse. As for the serious part here a few things that you should actually do.

1. If  you are old and know your end is coming , divide your property equally and efficiently so that there is quarrel and suing wars among your family when you go. 
2. If you don't have a family then, give away everything to charity. Its better to give it to charity then having some scum-bag distant relative of yours to claim it .
3. Organ donation - give away anything that is possible . Eyes for sure doesn't disfigure you in anyway.
4. NO REGRETS - when you go away don't have any regrets. You don't want yourself to be one day, sitting alone thinking that if you had proposed to that girl in your college you might have had a family that could have looked after you today .

I know that living a life without regrets isn't possible but then have the courage to face them . Well this is what I believe and even if anyone of you want everybody to mourn at your death its totally normal .